OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
