Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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