Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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