Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
