I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
