Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
