Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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