from now on my penis is your penis
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
