Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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