I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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