I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
50% drunk capacity currently
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
