so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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