Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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