You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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