I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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