I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Bring me that man meat
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
