Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
