I wanna bring you to show and tell
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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