come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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