Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
