yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
What a dumb baby whore.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
