"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
