dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
