i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
