So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
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He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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