My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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