I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
