Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
