When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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