There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
