none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
