What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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