So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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