i already hear my dad disowning me
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
