He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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