How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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