I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
