just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
