Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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