happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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