Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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