He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
