Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?