Sry I called you an 8
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.