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• (515): View more from Iowa

  You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  Deal!

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• (562): View more from California

  Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....

  (949): View more from California

  Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl

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• (281): View more from Texas

  I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (801): View more from Utah

  Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?

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• (801): View more from Utah

  I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm dying.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.

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• (819): View more from Quebec

  I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to

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• (253): View more from Washington

  Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?

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