I wish I could teleport
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?