You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
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Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
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I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?