My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.