it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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