She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
