she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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