dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
