how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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