I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
