You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
