he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
