well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
