she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
