How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
