No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
