hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
