i think my mom watched the whole time
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
