Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
