I must be too annoying 4 u.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
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how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
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Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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