And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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