Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
