I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
