why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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