someone get that fucking seahorse.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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